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As one who is involved in sowing into the lives of others this quote in Walden by Henry David Thoreau really spoke to me when I read it this evening. It reminding me of the need to constantly recognize that God is doing so much more in people’s live than what I am involved with. I need put my faith in Him and trust that He is doing something far beyond what I can see or understand. This relieves me of so much pressure. Knowing that He is the Lord of the Harvest and that I am simply a worker in His field is a source of great comfort.

“We are wont to forget that the sun looks on our cultivated fields and on the prairies and forests without distinction. They all reflect and absorb his rays alike. . . . Therefore we should receive the benefit of his light and heat with a corresponding trust and magnanimity. . . . This broad field which I have looked at so long looks not at me as the principal cultivator, but away from me to influences more genial to it, which water and make it green. . . . How then can our harvest fail? . . . The true husbandman will cease from anxiety, as the squirrels manifest no concern whether the woods will bear chestnuts this year or not, and finish his labor with every day, relinquishing all claim to the produce of his fields, and sacrificing in his mind not only his first but last fruits also.” (Henry David Thoreau, Walden, “The Bean-Field” (emphasis mine)).

Sometimes I want the dark

Sometimes I want the light

Sometimes I am wrong

Sometimes I am right

Sometimes I long for quiet

Sometimes I long for loud

Sometimes I long for sunshine

Sometimes I long for cloud

Sometimes I want chaos

Sometimes I want peace

Sometimes I suffer famine

Sometimes I enjoy feast

Sometimes I win

Sometimes I lose

Sometimes I’m told

Sometimes I choose

Sometimes I want to love

Sometimes I want to hate

Sometimes I want to give

Sometimes I want to take

Sometimes I like risk

Sometimes I like safe

Sometimes I let it go

Sometimes I chafe

Sometimes I follow

Sometimes I lead

Sometimes I write

Sometimes I read

Sometimes I want to listen

Sometimes I want to talk

Sometimes I want to run

Sometimes I want to walk

Sometimes I want a lot

Sometimes I want a little

Sometimes I like it grand

Sometimes I like it simple

Sometimes I want to stay

Sometimes I want to go

Sometimes I want to say “yes”

Sometimes I want to say “no”

Sometimes I want the stage

Sometimes I want a seat

Sometimes I want things messy

Sometimes I want things neat

Sometimes I feel young

Sometimes I feel old

Sometimes I like the hot

Sometimes I like the cold

Sometimes I want home

Sometimes I want away

Sometimes I want serious

Sometimes I want play

Sometimes I want to live

Sometimes I want to die

Sometimes I want to quit

Sometimes I want to try

Sometimes I want more

Sometimes I want less

Sometimes I try to hide

Sometimes I try to impress

Sometimes I want big

Sometimes I want small

Sometimes I want nothing

Sometimes I want it all

Sometimes I want to build

Sometimes I want to break

Sometimes I want to sleep

Sometimes I want to wake

Sometimes I act good

Sometimes I act bad

Sometimes I feel happy

Sometimes I feel sad

Sometimes I’m the teacher

Sometimes I’m the student

Sometimes I am reckless

Sometimes I am prudent

Sometimes I have answers

Sometimes I have questions

Sometimes I receive advice

Sometimes I give suggestions

Sometimes I prefer alone

Sometimes I prefer company

Sometimes I prefer few

Sometimes I prefer many

Sometimes I want to save

Sometimes I want to spend

Sometimes I want the beginning

Sometimes I want the end

Sometimes I am strong

Sometimes I am weak

Sometimes I want to hide

Sometimes I want to seek

Sometimes I’m the adult

Sometimes I’m the child

Sometimes I am tame

Sometimes I am wild

Sometimes I want to ride

Sometimes I want to drive

Sometimes I struggle

Sometimes I thrive

Sometimes I want it now

Sometimes I want it later

Sometimes I’m the problem

Sometimes the mediator

Sometimes I want to fight

Sometimes I want to surrender

Sometimes I’m the aggressor

Sometimes I’m the defender

Sometimes I want the sea

Sometimes I want the wood

Sometimes I feel I couldn’t

Sometimes I feel I could

Sometimes I want to lift

Sometimes I want to drop

Sometimes I want to start

Sometimes I want to stop

Sometimes it seems like heaven

Sometimes it feels like hell

Sometimes I want to laugh

Sometimes I want to yell

Sometimes I miss yesterday

Sometimes I long for tomorrow

Sometimes I’m filled with joy

Sometimes I’m filled with sorrow

Sometimes I want ignorance

Sometimes I want to know

Sometimes I want to catch

Sometimes I want to throw

Sometimes I’m up

Sometimes I’m down

Sometimes the big city

Sometimes the small town

Sometimes I want subtle

Sometimes I want drastic

Sometimes I want cutting edge

Sometimes I want classic

Sometimes I’m conservative

Sometimes I’m liberal

Sometimes I color in the lines

Sometimes I scribble

Sometimes I want slow

Sometimes I want speed

Sometimes I have

Sometimes I need

Sometimes I want to receive

Sometimes I want to give

Sometimes I’m full of revenge

Sometimes I’m willing to forgive

Sometimes I succeed

Sometimes I fail

Sometimes I want to stay

Sometimes I want to bail

Sometimes I want it secret

Sometimes I want to tell

Sometimes I’m the hammer

Sometimes I’m the nail

Always this is me

It’s true so I mention

All this is we

Life is lived in great tension

Copyright 2009 by Kevin Mahaffy, Jr.

Had a great evening taking Ady and the girls to Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. The Bombers bombed and got blanked by Seattle, but I guess they have to show their humanity once in a while. Nevertheless, it was a fun night together as a family. My girls can say they saw the Yankees in both the old stadium and the new one. What a privilege! Click here to see all the pics.

I woke up with an interesting thought this morning. It’s my day off, and as I lay in bed trying to fully wake up, I began to enjoy the fact that I didn’t have anything specific scheduled to do. My first thought was, what am I going to do today? I then came up with my plan … I’m going to get ready, then I’m going to make some coffee and spend some time reading my Bible. Then I realized … how often do I set the agenda for my day which includes spending time with God? How often do I plan on spending time with God but then things happen to interrupt my plan and it never happens? What would it be like if actually spending time with God became the instinctive starting point rather than something I planned on doing? Sometimes God becomes part of the plan rather than the plan being dictated by Him. Obviously habits are formed initially through planning, but is not the purpose of discipline to become undisciplined. In other words, I discipline myself in something so that eventually I don’t need discipline to do it – it just becomes second-nature; part of who I am. When I come up with a plan to spend time with God, am I not in essence beginning my day with “My will be done”? Selah.

Last night we picked up trash around a local park and gave 125 people FREE slices of pizza thanks to our great friends @ Buona Sera. This is the second year we have done “Serve & Swim” during the month of August. We take the students downtown, do a service project/random act of kindness for about an hour, then head to one of our student’s house for a pool party. It’s a surprise blessing to people in the community and a lot of fun for our students. It’s proven to be a big hit each year.