Ever have conflicts or disagreements? Ever been hurt or felt misunderstood? Do you feel burdened by bitterness over wrongs and injustices that have happened to you? You’re not alone. We all deal with feelings of hurt and betrayal, whether that which caused those feelings was done intentionally or unintentionally. And there’s only one thing that can set us free: forgiveness.
Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, and Jennifer Thomas have teamed up to release When Sorry Isn’t Enough, a revised and updated edition of The Five Languages of Apology. In the book they put forth five ways to make things right with people. Each approach is captured by a phrase that communicates apology in a unique way. Some people long to hear the words, “I’m sorry.” Others want to hear you admit you were wrong. Others want you to find a way to right your wrong through your actions. Others want to hear you say you want to change. Still others want to hear you ask for forgiveness.
As with The 5 Love Languages, each person has a primary way they communicate apology, and a way they desire to receive an apology. Apologies offered in a way (a language) that is foreign to the person receiving the apology is ineffective. We must learn the apology language of the person we are apologizing to in order to be effective in righting wrongs and restoring relationships. Forgiveness is the key to experiencing personal freedom as well as healing in relationships.
In the book Chapman and Thomas work through the how-tos of apologizing in each language. They also discuss the importance and the approach to apologizing when you don’t feel the need to, or don’t want to do so.
One area of forgiveness that is popular today is the idea of forgiving yourself, which Chapman and Thomas suggest in the book. I understand the logic of it philosophically and psychologically (if I can beat myself up and blame myself for things, why should I not also exercise self-forgiveness?), but I really struggle with the concept theologically as I personally can find no real precedent or biblical basis for it in practice. My understanding is that the Bible doesn’t call us to self-forgiveness, but rather accepting the forgiveness offered to us in Christ. An interesting dilemma perhaps they will address at some point.
Overall the book was most excellent, very informative, and really challenged my approach to the necessary practice of apology.
I received a copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of this review.
I got a good chuckle out of this article by Tim Schraeder, and I agree wholeheartedly with his appreciation for our mutual charismatic upbringing. Although I have expanded my theological horizons and grown in my understanding of and appreciation for other traditions, I am grateful for the passionate stream of Christianity I was raised in and which continues to impact me profoundly. One of the books that has been so helpful for me on the road of my spiritual journey in embracing a robust theology and practice is Richard Foster’s excellent book Streams of Living Water: Celebrating the Great Traditions of Christian Faith. I highly recommend it!
Here’s the article by Schraeder …
“My Christian journey was profoundly shaped by the fact that I was raised in what some would call a charismatic church. I was raised in an Assemblies of God church and the first five years of my life in ministry were working on staff at an A/G church. I am grateful for how I was raised and after no longer attending an A/G church, I have come to value the impact growing up in a charismatic church made on my life. I will, however, note that there are some unique and quirky things that come along with it.
“This list is by no means intended to belittle the charismatic upbringing I had, but more to celebrate some of the oddities that can be associated with the heritage we charismatic kids can share.
“You may have been raised charismatic if…
This is what our church is doing together in 2014 … Join us!
Cover to Cover 2014 Trailer from Shelter Rock Church on Vimeo.
Happy Sweet 16 to our oldest daughter, Claudia! The years are flying by and we are so proud of the woman of God she is becoming! May God continue to give her the grace to live for Him and influence this world with His love by the choices she makes.
My friend posted this on Facebook. Great reminder and challenge!
Glad to be reunited with our friends in the Coachella Valley!
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